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3 strange men and a sandwich that made me cry.

Ingredients 

– a small prepared roast, see link on how to make a simple beef pot roast

-1 Baguette

– 1 1/2 cups PC Sliced Cremini Mushrooms

-2 sliced onions

– 2 to 3 tbsp of Campbell’s Stock First , or home made chicken stock

-2 tbsp. butter

-pinch of salt

Instructions

Start with a pan on medium high heat, add 1 tbsp. of butter then onions. Allow onions to sweat then turn the heat to medium adding a pinch of salt. Continue to cook down while continually stirring the onions to avoid them sticking to the pan. I like to add a small splash of chicken stock once the onions become slightly transparent and begin to lose their moisture. It helps to deglaze the pan while adding a little extra flavour. It will take about 10-15 min to have the onions fully cooked. Reminder again, don’t forget to stir often! Allow time for any remaining liquid to be absorbed by the onions. Empty and set aside.

Next, add the remaining butter to a pan and sauté mushrooms until brown.Layer your sandwich, top with your favourite cheese. I enjoy either provolone or Havarti on top, place in the oven to melt the cheese quickly or if you prepare it quick enough it should melt from the gravy and toppings, yum!

 

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A few days ago i peeled myself out of bed with every intention of a perfect day.

I called for an Uber and rushed outside. As i paced down the driveway scanning the street for a silver Toyota, a scary neighbour who i have been avoiding for sometime catches up to me. I should mention i didn’t even know his name 5 questions in to the game of 20 questions he threw me into before i could even explain i was feeling uncomfortable.  Finally he grinned with his gold teeth gleaming as he lit a cigarette asking me for my phone number incase of emergency. In a tricky fashion, i noted his details without providing my own. Cringing as i approached the car, i bit into the corner of my cheek desperately trying to erase the image of his beady eyeballs running up and down my body as he yelled out “you lookin’ real nice, where you going?!”. *blood crawls*

Minutes later i brushed off the awkward discomfort as i arrived at the grocery store. A wave of peace transcends over me as I’m confronted with all things possible. I may not know where my next paycheck will come from or if i will ever understand true love, but i know if i add some caramelized onions, mushrooms and roast beef to a baguette it is certain i would enjoy the day.

As i combed the isles keeping a healthy diet in mind i found myself strolling in the snack isle on my way to the cashier. As i stood questioning if i wanted something sweet or savory an older man, slightly intoxicated approached me muttering compliments again to inappropriate to thank him for. To my actual surprise i said nothing and watched him awkwardly walk away as he understood that was the only expectation. I took this encounter as a sign to leave the snack isle…immediately.

I threw my hair up into a bun, and as i rubbed my makeup less eyes i questioned what part of me was asking for any attention today? Why can’t i have good men approach me, and why is it i only get attention in the exact moments i want to avoid it? Was it the sweater or was it the cropped bag lady pants that screamed “PLEASE, come talk to me!”

Finally i cashed out and waited inside the store for my ride home, an irritated man stood in the doorway. Anxiously looking outside then back at my phone i threw the heavy bags onto my shoulder wondering if i was going to make it to the car in one trip. Trying to excuse myself for the fourth time, I began to sneak past him when the neck of a bottle of wine sticking out from my bag brushed against his arm. His response was a look of death to which i instantly apologized.

Suddenly, he yelled at me to “shut up”. I was confused and naïve explaining that i had tried to excuse myself, he then asked me to shut up again and my nerves pushed out the words “you have no manners!” (i know I’m lame). He soon rebuttals with a step forward towards me “neither do you so shut the fuck up” as he ran inside before an employee could intervene.

I left my house for one hour only to have every Tom, Dick and freaking Harry testing me when all i wanted was to make a dream sandwich.

Feeling defeated and confused by all the things i wish i said, i arrived home and began preparing my pot roast. Hours had gone by and the aroma pouring out of the oven had healed every part of my soul. As i pulled a fresh baguette out of the oven and prepared my toppings my pupils widened with lust and my heart racing with excitement!

My first bite – a lot of crunch and just the right amount of warm gooeyness oozing into my tummy like a perfect warm hug on the inside.

My second bite – i cried. I mean I’m talking real tears, flooding from my eye balls. I felt an on off putting sense urgency. The feeling was then quickly encouraged by my thoughts then humbled by my brain which sent a sharp pain into my chest, shortening my breath as i begin cry myself into a helpless panic. Yet, i continued to eat my sandwich because what else was i going to do?

So there i sat. A hot mess all alone, crying with her perfect sandwich.

Before i ruled this emotion out as anxiety, i couldn’t help but wonder does our heart really feel different when we’re happy vs sad vs excited? At the end of the day without our head telling us what we’re feeling, doesn’t it all just feel the same? I choose to believe that this feeling was happiness. Tears of joy and satisfaction. The only thing sad was not having someone to share it with, that’s where you come in my friends.

With this blog i hope to take these strange moments and turn them into memories of learning, growth and empowerment.

As i enter into the blogging community i hope to indulge with you in your off putting moments. I hope to laugh with you, i hope to cry with you and most of all i can’t wait to learn from you!

Let’s sit, eat and talk

 

Welcome to table 6

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